According to the National Center for Education Statistics, there are approximately 57 million American kids in elementary schools. Shooters have killed 0.00012% of them in the last three years. But during that same time, 0.011% of other kids have been taught Bible math; 0.26% of them have been sent to jail and 9% of them … Continue reading
This week in 1954, the U.S. Senate voted 67 to 22 in favor to “condemn” paranoid, communist-hunting Senator Joseph McCarthy for “conduct that tends to bring the Senate into dishonor and disrepute.” Because the resolution used the seemingly unenforceable term condemn rather than censure, McCarthy’s supporters on the Senate floor erupted into laughter. Within moments, … Continue reading
This week in 1981 Ronald Regan announced that ketchup could be counted as a vegetable in school lunch programs. Remember when that was all it took to make Republicans look weird? ***
“The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.” ~Alexis de Tocqueville, born this day in 1805. ***
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made Ted Cruz. (h/t Mark Twain) ***
THEY ARE BLINDING YOU WITH SCIENCE Everything you need to know about last week’s politics for this week’s cocktail party. Calling Mr. Wizard! This week, Sen. Ted Cruz and Sen. Marco Rubio no doubt pulled out their Texas science books to brush up on God and creationism when they were appointed to lead the influential … Continue reading
You may have seen our favorite (if not-so-shocking) headline this week: 100 Brains Missing in Texas! Those brains have apparently since been accounted for. We doubt, however, that anyone found them on a grand jury. Not if that grand jury was deciding the fate of any white police officer who killed an unarmed black man. … Continue reading
This week in 1954, the U.S. Senate voted 67 to 22 in favor to “condemn” paranoid, communist-hunting Senator Joseph McCarthy for “conduct that tends to bring the Senate into dishonor and disrepute.” Because the resolution used the seemingly unenforceable term condemn rather than censure, McCarthy’s supporters on the Senate floor erupted into laughter. Within moments, … Continue reading
“Mommy? Daddy? What is homicide?” This week, school officials in Alabama put a 5-year-old girl on a suicide and homicide watch after she pointed a crayon at a kindergarten classmate and said “pew! pew!” Yes, this is real. The 5-year-old, identified only as Elizabeth, is said to have drawn a picture resembling a gun before … Continue reading
Rumor says that these razor-sharp excerpts of an unfinished novel were found in an LA trash can. They were originally published online without the author’s permission. The author committed suicide after losing the area code for 1-800-LAWYERS. EXCERPTS FROM MY NOVEL, Here’s the Story of a Lovely Lady 1. It’s 1969, thought the … Continue reading
If you think that game shows are just about trivia, spelling, quick reflexes and a way for Midwestern housewives to show America what they look like in a donkey suit, then you don’t know game shows. Game shows can be so much more! They can even change your life. It’s true! If you doubt … Continue reading
This week, we learned that the beleaguered Malaysian Airlines recently tried to lure customers back after the tragedies of MH17 and MH370. With a contest! Free tickets and iPads for whoever gives the best answer to: “What and where would you like to tick off on your bucket list?” Ah, bucket lists. You’ve probably … Continue reading
