Intrepid reporters Lester & Charlie went into hibernation for a while (did you miss us?) because the news seemed to be getting… stale. Watching the news these days is like watching a long-running soap opera. You can tune out for years, check back and discover that your favorite character is still dying or still having that baby.
Imagine you had to guess what year we’re living in based on these headlines: Crazy people are signing up in droves to lose the White House for Republicans. Media outlets declare that a Clinton’s every move is a TKO for the Democrats. A Bush is leading in Republican presidential polls.
OK, we’ll admit we woke up to an interesting detail or two. Like when FOX’s token black Republican of the week, Allen West, went on a psychotic rant about Sharia law and the supposed Muslim takeover of Walmart — all because West tried to buy liquor in a checkout line manned by an underage clerk who couldn’t legally sell it. That’s not Sharia law, that’s U.S. law, and it probably has roots in Allen’s own Christian heritage.
And while we’re talking about Walmart, imagine what many Texans — including the governor — think is the real reason behind the closing of a handful of Walmart stores. (Imagine something 1000x more psychotic than Walmart bunkers and you’re halfway there.)
And then there’s Jeb Bush, who is leading in polls this week (even though his own mother doesn’t want to see him in the White House). Jeb went out and picked his brother George as advisor on the Middle East. George? The wrong-country-invading ex-president is advising Jeb about the Middle East, the most volatile place on the planet that’s not an active volcano?
If you haven’t gotten enough yet, hop over to whatever planet Ann Coulter is living on and hear her cackle that Whites have done more than enough to compensate for centuries of slavery, because, “When you’re getting admitted to Princeton when you can’t read, is that enough yet?”
But, like we said, none of this is really new, though it proves something we’ve long suspected: Thinking isn’t hard if you don’t bother to do it. We know there’s something hypnotic — almost calming – about the constant cosmic hum of all this crazy bullshit in the background. But our growing complacency – especially in an election year – can have dangerous results. (President Cruz, anyone?)
It’s often said that those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. So let’s make sure we remember it! We’ve assembled a bunch of classic quotes. Do you remember the past correctly? Can you match the classic quote with the speaker? Take the quiz and find out!