THEY ARE BLINDING YOU WITH SCIENCE

Everything you need to know about last week’s politics for this week’s cocktail party.

Calling Mr. Wizard! This week, Sen. Ted Cruz and Sen. Marco Rubio no doubt pulled out their Texas science books to brush up on God and creationism when they were appointed to lead the influential Subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness and the Subcommittee on Oceans, Atmosphere, Fisheries and Coast Guard — respectively. In these roles they’ll be making a lot of lamebrain leadership decisions about things they don’t believe even exist, like climate change and NASA.

Let’s review some things that each of these losers has had to say about science:

I’m not a scientist, man. ~Marco Rubio

You know, back in the ’70s — I remember the ’70s, we were told there was global cooling. And everyone was told global cooling was a really big problem. And then that faded.  ~Ted Cruz

Speaking of losers, and proving once again that “close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades,” an ineffectual Ohio bartender named Michael R. Hoyt failed in his plot to poison Speaker John Boeher’s drink. No one has bothered to ask what his motivations were.

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