Why the Devil Can’t Go Down on Georgia

goat eyes

We all know that conservatives are obsessed with two things: Sex and the wisdom of the states! That’s why we keep ending up with such titillating local legislation.

Down in Mississippi, it’s illegal to even talk about polygamy. Visiting Oklahoma? Don’t even think of having simulated animal sex in a bar.

In Ohio, it’s illegal to give liquor to a fish, and in North Carolina it’s illegal to have sex with an intoxicated fish. In Texas, you can send all the dildos you want to Washington, but you can only have 6 of them in your house.

So it’s not that surprising to learn that in Sandy Springs, GA, it’s now illegal for any citizen to purchase sex toys — without a doctor’s prescription. Really!

That’s right, Sandy Springs ordinance 38-120 forbids the sale or purchase of “any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.” That is, unless the purchase is “for a bona fide medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial, or law enforcement purpose.”

Kinky cops, take heart: it looks like you can still arrest suspects using those fur-lined handcuffs. As for those “judicial purposes” mentioned in the ordinance? All we can say is “here comes the judge.”

Not everyone in Sandy Springs is happy about this. The city is being sued by two patriotic sex maniacs who happen to think it’s neither the government’s nor their doctor’s business what silicone-type objects might be in their nightstand drawers. We hope the plaintiffs win their case. But this is Georgia, so we’re not betting our amyl nitrate on it.

But, while Georgians sort all this out, let’s have some fun!

We’ve mentioned before (and before… and before) that citizens of Red States are statistically the biggest consumers of porn in the U.S. That means one thing: Law or no law, the good people in Sandy Springs, GA are going to want their sex toys — even if they have to get a prescription.

So we’re asking: What excuses will they give their doctors to get them? What do YOU think?


Want to find out what people wrote in? Subscribe to the Lester & Charlie Newsletter!

Please Stand By Cover

Get Lester & Charlie’s New Book Today!