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Sarah Palin’s Half Baked Recipes

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Conservatives are pouncing over the resignation this week of Bill Yosses, the White House executive pastry chef who has been rolling dough since the George W. Bush administration. As usual, the far right is forcing their opinions about this “scandal” down listener’s throats without even adding a pinch of truth.

Why did he quit? Rush Limbaugh pointed a finger at Michelle Obama, claiming it was the First Lady’s obsession with broccoli that forced the strudel- and pie-making Yosses to – in Rush’s imagination – declare in tart frustration: “The heck with it, I’m out of here!”

“I don’t care what you’re good at,” said Mrs. Obama to Limbaugh’s imagination, “you’re not going to use butter in the White House. And you’re not going to use cream, and you’re not going to use sugar, and you’re not going to use eggs!”

Mrs. Obama never said those things. (Duh.) On closer inspection, however, it does turn out to be true that, as the New York Times coyly reported, she is “partly to blame” for Yosses decision to leave. But it’s simply a matter of the First Lady having emboldened him to explore alternatives to calorie-rich desserts (which Yosses still makes for special White House occasions) that led him to want to move to New York to be nearer his husband and “to teach children and adults about eating better.” As for the First Lady, she was an “inspiring boss” who promoted her food agenda with “humor and good will, without preaching.”

But these details were no deterrent to the right-wing bloviating.

“I love this person!” declared Sarah Palin, your other favorite conservative, on her Facebook page after isolating a quote from Yosses that it wasn’t his intention to “demonize cream, butter, sugar and eggs.” Palin didn’t stop there: She accompanied the post with a picture of her serving a sugar-loaded birthday cake to her daughter and the bonus of a recipe for 4 dozen of “Juanita’s Soft, Gooey Oatmeal Raisin White Chocolate-Chip Heaven” cookies. (Ingredients include: 2 sticks of butter and “lots of white chocolate chips.” Also: 1 cup chopped walnuts — “unless your kids demand ‘no nuts!'” – a phrase rarely heard in the Palin household.)

Zing! Nothing like butter- and chocolate-loaded cookies to give some real down-home learnin’ to those kale-eating hippies!

Of course, all of this nonsense probably would have happened even if the Times hadn’t tried to get cute with their story by dubiously “blaming” Mrs. Obama. You remember how vigorously Palin defended the star of “Duck Dynasty” after he made racist and anti-gay statements in a GQ article — an article that Palin admitted to never having actually read as she insisted that anyone hating on “Duck Dynasty” was also hating on the Bible. To conservatives, truth is simply a demonic spatula wielded by the sinister people cooking up stories in the Gotcha! media.

We’re pretty sure Sarah Palin feels terribly emboldened after her Facebook “cookie zinger.” (Almost 18,000 likes! 800+ comments!) She’s likely to do it again! So when the next opportunity arises for her to post a recipe that takes a shot at the black people squatting in the White House, what will it be? What do YOU think?

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