Yak to Basics

sasse nebraska

The GOP has been squirming more than usual this week, now that their darling rising star, New Jersey governor Chris Christie, has been “embarrassed and humiliated” on a national stage because of a breathtakingly mean and misguided act of revenge.

Some pundits say Christie’s bridge scandal has seriously weakened his chances of securing the presidential nomination in 2016 — and thereby ruined our chances of ever finding out what would happen if Christie got the chance to run the country the way he runs New Jersey. Alas, thanks to a lousy traffic jam, now we may never know what revenge the aides to a future “President Christie” might have taken on any state he didn’t take in the Electoral College.

Our loss, we suppose. BUT: Republicans, don’t despair. There’s also good news! You may have lost Chris Christie, but that doesn’t mean the GOP has run out of “big ideas.” Have you met Ben Sasse?

Ben Sasse is the former Assistant Secretary of Health under George W. Bush. He’s a proud Nebraskan and a candidate for US Senate. And in a new, slick ad that can be found on YouTube, Sasse — much like Christie — isn’t afraid to talk straight and lay blame for government dysfunction squarely on BOTH parties. Power brokers in his own party don’t scare him! In the ad (called “The Outsider”), Sasse fingers unnamed fellow GOPers for letting the “greatest country slip away,” for failing to come up with a decent alternative to Obamacare and for losing touch with “conservative solutions.”

And what are Ben Sasse’s “conservative solutions”? Never fear. Just as we promised, he has BIG ideas. First up: Move the Capitol to his own home state of Nebraska.

Really! But why? Could it be because DC has just been named the “gayest city in America”? Better yet, can we ignore that moving the capitol would make it a much easier commute for Sasse if he gets elected?

Or should we take him at his word – it’s because DC is a lost cause, that’s why. And the only way to get America back on track and, in his words, “force Nebraska’s conservative values, decency and common sense” down government’s throat, is to pick it all up and move it. To Nebraska.

We’ll give this guy points for boldness. We can’t tell if he’s serious or if this is just a bid for attention (which, we realize, we’re dutifully giving to him). But watch his ad and decide for yourself if Sasse isn’t clearly trying to imply that he’s better than the rest of us because he thinks he’s from “real America.” It’s very reminiscent of Sarah Palin, and the not-so-coded language that small-town, Midwestern (white) Americans are “real” — and the rest of us are imposters. It’s this kind of disdain for “actual” Americans (as opposed to “real”) that leads to things like governors’ aides creating massive, insane traffic jams on major bridges — jams that may not affect a lot of the GOP’s supposed “real” Americans but sure as hell bites “actual” Americans in the ass. None of that seems like a good way to get US government moving.

Chris Christie is too busy being a national joke to offer much hope to conservatives. The GOP is going to have to embrace some new rising stars! And in the age of legal pot, gay marriage, and Obamacare, these news stars are going to have to try harder than ever if they want to force their values and “common sense” down our throats. Moving the Capitol to Nebraska might just be a start! So what will their next big idea be? What do YOU think?

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