You Won’t Believe You Swal- lowed the Whole Thing!

war on women protest

Unmarried women of America, watch out: Conservatives are coming after you!

Well, OK, you probably already knew that. But we’re not talking about the conservatives you might think we are — the ones who, for example, keep frightening everybody with vaginal probes while breathlessly trying to slut-shame women for having access to birth control. (“Keep hoeing yourselves out ladies,” tweeted FOX News’ Katie Pavlich this week after seeing a provocative ad from a Colorado non-profit about getting insurance coverage. “Obamacare depends on it!”)

It would seem a stretch to believe that, with all they’re doing to wage war on women, conservatives would think that women would vote for them in droves — if only they truly understood the conservative message.

Never underestimate the GOP’s chutzpah. Now there’s Burning Glass Consulting, a firm in Virginia that’s dedicated to teaching Republicans how to “get smarter” about delivering the Republican message “specifically to women.” After all, it’s just a communication problem!

“Certainly there are challenges with other demographic groups,” acknowledges one of the women who founded Burning Glass — “challenges” perhaps meaning the GOP’s outright hostility to those groups’ interests. But Burning Glass isn’t interested in them; women voters are the real prize. After all, as Burning Glass points out, women are 53% of the electorate; Obama carried them by 11% margin in 2012. Unmarried women — 53 million of them — he carried by 36%. If Burning Glass could somehow wave their magic vaginal probes and turn those voters Republican… just think! They’d never need to pander to a racial minority again!

And how hard could it be?

Well, we suppose that depends on how good their strategy is. “Burning Glass” is so named to reference the intended laserlike focus on women voters — so laserlike it can burn glass. That sounds to us like they need a catchy slogan! There’s nothing in America that a concise, memorable phrase can’t sell. Everyone knows that. So what ad campaign will these consultants come up with? What do YOU think?

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NEW Episode from Lester & Charlie’s “Do it at Home, America!” Series:

Homemade Bagged Salad!