The Week in Politics

Turdy Logic


Worshipers in Fresno, California have been flocking to a Crape Myrtle tree outside of St. John’s Cathedral. Apparently, when someone screams “glory be to God in Jesus’ name” at the tree it starts weeping tears and spraying water. The only possible explanation is that this liquid is miraculous, and everybody knows that miraculous water can heal people or answer prayers, right? So people are lining up to get sprayed by the tree.

But when you ask the tree to spray you with water and grant a wish, be sure you don’t pray for an end to Fresno’s really high aphid population. Aphids love Crape Myrtle trees. And according to entomologists, when you agitate them – like shake their tree and scream “glory be to God in Jesus’ name” at them all day – a sweet liquid that looks like water sprays out from the anus of the aphids. No aphids, no more miracle water.

In other words, the worshipers are standing under a tree spewing out bug poop and calling it a miracle. That kind of logic reminds us of Congress. Earlier this year, the clever Joe Barton (R-The Loon State) also used Bible stories to remind us that climate change is not man made:  “I would point out that if you’re a believer in the Bible, one would have to say the Great Flood is an example of climate change and that certainly wasn’t because mankind had overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy.”

These examples show that the illusion of knowledge is pretty much as bad as no knowledge at all. The illusion of knowledge leads to bad science, endangerment and conspiracy theorists running around claiming for sixty years that the government has a secret place in Nevada called Area 51. OK, granted, on very rare occasions they’re kinda sorta right.

That’s your week in politics.

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