Love, Republican Style!

Hottest GOp Men

This Week’s Poll!

Have you ever considered Rush Limbaugh to be … sexy?

Wait! Before you reach for that barf bag, and before you tell us that NO ONE — no matter how conservative or crazy — has EVER called Rush Limbaugh sexy, let us introduce you to the PolitiChicks!

The PolitiChicks are a group of conservative women who claim to be covering “the most important issues and events of the day.” And, apparently, one of those important issues last week was deciding who should be considered America’s “hottest conservative supermen.” It’s only fair, they argued with compassionate conservative wisdom, given the proliferation of those “hottest conservative women” websites that constantly recycle photoshopped pictures of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. Now it’s the men’s turn!

And who did they pick as the male equivalent of Palin and Bachmann? Who, among the dozens of men in dozens of categories, did they decide is the #1 “Hottest Conservative Superman in Radio”? Rush Limbaugh.

It’s true that Limbaugh has a face that was born for radio. And to the PolitChicks’ credit, “looks” are only one of the five criteria these self-described “women of substance” laid out for what makes a man one of the world’s sexiest conservatives. So they must have been concentrating on one of their other criteria. Like “intelligence.” Or Rush’s “self-deprecating” sense of humor. Well, only the women of substance know for sure!

Dozens of men made the list, in dozens of categories. While the PolitiChicks hoped to even things out by objectifying men, objectification kinda loses its punch when you’re trying to objectify the likes of Ted Cruz, Allen West and Louis Gohmert — numbers 1, 2, and 3 on the list of “Hottest Conservative Men in the Political World.” (Really!)

Think about it. Once upon a time, the GOP arranged for a Sarah Palin lookalike to strip at the Tampa Republican convention. Something tells us a Cruz, West or Gohmert lookalike would have the audience hurling Monsanto’s newest bio-engineered vegetables at the stage and chanting “put it on!” So — is this really the only way the PolitiChicks can think of to strike an equalizing blow for conservative women? Calling Mike Hukabee or that thing that landed on Rand Paul’s head “hot”?

The only way we can imagine anyone choosing any of these men as hottest anything would be if they were blindfolded and had clothespins over their noses. Which brings us to one of our favorite TV shows: The Dating Game! You remember what that was: an awkward TV game show that tried hard to make choosing blind dates seem sexy. A “bachelorette” (usually it was a woman) would ask random “sexy” questions to three hidden bachelors, questions like What animal has a neck that’s as long as you like to neck on a date? or We’re two bugs, and I just said, Stop peopling me! What are we doing? Like we said: sexy.

So let’s imagine the PolitiChicks choosing their “hottest conservative supermen dream dates” on a cheesy TV dating show. What kinds of questions will they ask their prospective bachelor dates? What do YOU think?

Want to find out what people wrote in? Subscribe to the Lester & Charlie Newsletter!

This week’s selection from the GOP Time Machine!

Have a private comment that you wouldn’t mind seeing broadcast to an international audience in the next Lester & Charlie Newsletter? Leave it here!