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Poll

The $10,000 Pyramid Scheme

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This Week’s Poll!

The Higgs-boson may be on its way to proving that the universe is inherently unstable, but it seems to us that nothing could be as unstable as the clown car leading the Republican party.

Just this week, an email from the Grand Poobah of the Tea Party Patriots went out with the subject line, “Wipe the Smirk Off Karl Rove’s Face!” And it included a picture of the esteemed GOP strategist photoshopped to look like the Nazi officer Heinrich Himmler.

The Tea Party’s beef with Rove – what this non sequitur of a photoshop job is trying to telegraph to believers – is that Rove’s recent attempts to raise support for establishment, rather than insane, candidates is nothing short of pure evil.

Understandably, after the lousy return on investment from his American Crossroads Super-PAC in the 2012 elections, Rove is eager to rally support for slightly more electable conservative candidates, ones who spend at least a few hours a day in this century and might even be able to read, write and cross-multiply. Gone are the far-right witches like Christine O’Donnell or creepy rape-obsessed goblins like Todd Akin.

“But wait!” says the Tea Party. “Sane candidates are not going to be on our butterfly ballots!” So to foil Rove’s Sisyphean attempt at finding someone both marginally sane and Republican, they’ve set up a new PAC to “help Tea Party candidates challenge entrenched, big-government Republicans for the nomination.”

And — best of all — veteran conservative activist Richard Viguerie has offered a whopping $10,000 prize to any grassroots conservative who can “submit a plan or ideas to take over the Republican Party, win the November 2016 elections, and govern America by 2017.”

Wow. Uh… $10,000!?! That won’t buy many magic beans for the deserving individual who single-handedly saves America’s two-party system.  

Still, ten thousand dollars is ten thousand dollars. In this economy, most of us would have to go on “Jeopardy!” to ever see that kind of cash. (But if you do, just make sure you forget everything you know about Michele Bachmann first.)

We’re fascinated with the image of all those Tea Party wizards who’ll be scratching their pointy heads, sharpening their erasable ink pens and devising a plan to simultaneously save America and put $10,000 in their piggy banks.

But, it’s not their brilliant or perhaps not-so-brilliant ideas that interest us. It’s what they’ll do with that cash. $10,000 could be a huge windfall to whatever poor, white, rural, government-teat-sucking conservative comes up with the best idea to save the GOP.

So we’re wondering: What do YOU think? How will the savior of the GOP spend all that prize money?

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From Lester & Charlie’s “GOP Time Machine” Series: Good Times!

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