The Grand Old Party’s New Pantry Cookbook!

This Week’s Poll!

Republican candidates are squinting at Romney’s misguided campaign and realizing that if they’re going to have a majority in the House and Senate — or even get a standing-room-only ticket at next year’s Governors Ball – they’re going to have to find a new gimmick.

And we at the Lester & Charlie Institute for Forward Thinking have the ideal solution for these desperate souls!

You see, the American public isn’t buying Romney’s solutions for anything. And the people who wanted to ride on his electoral coattails – after struggling for months finding a candidate who wasn’t quite as crazy as, say, Michele Bachmann – now can’t distance themselves from Mitt fast enough.  His folksy advice about borrowing money from parents for college, going to the emergency room for efficient health care (in spite of the fact that he wrote a Wall Street Journal op-ed arguing that the uninsured relying on emergency rooms for basic care means higher medical costs for everyone) or being able to roll down the window when one’s airplane catches on fire might be making careers for comedians, but it’s tanking the careers of Republicans candidates by association.  The GOP needs to do something tried and tested if they want an immediate, showbiz-style comeback, and immediate is about all the time they have left.

It’s been said that Washington is the Hollywood for ugly people. So we think this is as good of a time as any for the ugly people to start paying attention to what the pretty people did when their careers started to go south: Write a cookbook!

Everybody who’s ever been an endangered nobody – from Naomi Judd and Coolio to Tony Danza and Florence Henderson – has used this simple device to pull themselves up by their Ronald Reagan bootstraps and restore their career. Even conservative losers like Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Ted Nugent have done it. And they’re still household names!

And for all those Congressional incumbents who proved over the last two years that they really don’t like to do anything at all, we promise that this is going to be really easy! Just submit one recipe each. Make the cookbook a joint effort among Republicans and show that conservatives still know what a joint effort is! Then sit back and watch your career get supersized!

What voter wouldn’t warm up to a cookbook from people who think Hamburger Helper is a form of socialism?

Of course, the GOP candidates aren’t going to do much on their own to move this idea along. So we want to help them, just like we helped that kid who spent five years with us in fifth grade until we taught him how to cheat properly.

So tell us what conservative recipe YOU’RE excited about, and we’ll send the top  answers to Alan West to get the ball rolling!

Meanwhile, everybody’s asking why the GOP wants to bring us back to the 1950s. We’ve got some answers! Check out this episode from the GOP Time Machine Series!


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