Loch Ness Finesse

This Week’s Poll!

Two weeks ago, we at the Lester and Charlie Institute of Forward Thinking reported that Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal is pulling millions of dollars from public education so kids can use vouchers to attend struggling Southern private schools that teach things like Bible-based math. This week, we want to give you the rest of the story.

See, it doesn’t end with math based on the Bible — or even curriculum that teaches kids that liberals threaten global prosperity. It turns out that, according to these teachers in Louisiana, the Loch Ness Monster is real. And its supposed existence disproves evolution.

“Youngsters will be told that if it can be proved that dinosaurs walked the earth at the same time as man, then Darwinism is fatally flawed,” reports the Scotsman, a Scottish newspaper that should know better than the teachers in Louisiana whether or not the Loch Ness Monster actually exists. The Louisiana teachers’ ultimate goal is to legitimize Creationism and the belief that God — or the Flying Spaghetti Monster or whoever — created the world a mere 5,000 years ago. It seems to us that even John McCain is older than that, but we never learned Bible-based math, so what do we know?

The GOP seems hellbent on making sure that American kids learn nothing. We can’t imagine why — unless it’s because they’ve figured out that a less-informed populace is more likely to vote Republican. Or maybe they own stock in FOX News. We wonder if it would be easier simply to put lead in the water — a proven way of lowering children’s IQ. But perhaps they just leave that to American corporations.

We all know that the GOP has mastered illogic. But pointing to the Loch Ness Monster to undermine Darwin’s theory of evolution is simply insane. So what’s next? We all know that they won’t stop there. What’s the next thing conservatives will seize upon to prove their psychotic claims?

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One comment

  1. […] Forty-four percent of Latinos voted for George W. Bush in 2004, 31% supported John McCain in 2008 and a paltry 27% pulled for the now-forgotten Mitt Romney in 2012. That’s a downward spiral – even when the numbers are converted into socialist metric ones or God-sanctioned Bible Math! […]

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