Thicker Than Water

This Week’s Poll!

This week, while 90-year-old Nancy Reagan was missing her astrology appointments so she could recuperate from a set of broken ribs, Reaganomics hit a new low.

In other words, the anonymous owner of a vial of blood allegedly collected during Reagan’s 1981 assassination attempt received a high bid of $30,000 at auction in London this week before the sale was abruptly called off.

And in the meantime it caused a media firestorm and sparked a lot of useless debate.

The vial’s contents “could be mouse blood,” said Michael Reagan, the spawn of Bedtime for Bonzo‘s leading man and Falcon Crest‘s dowager empress Jane Wyman. “How dare they, how dare they do such a thing?” he continued.

How dare they? Well, apparently, a lot of people find gory moments in history morbidly fascinating. Just look at the mania surrounding the recent auction of mundane items recovered from the wreckage of the Titanic. Or this report, which says that “reputable auction houses” have successfully sold blood-flecked pieces of the leather seat from the limousine JFK was riding in the day he was shot. Yuck.

But this isn’t really a story about morbidity. It’s about capitalism. “I was a real fan of Reaganomics,” said the anonymous seller of the vial when he was first asked to forgo the auction and donate the mouse blood to the Reagan Library. “Reagan himself would rather see me sell it than donate it.”

Well, isn’t that just like a conservative!?! Never pass up an opportunity to make a buck, no matter how offensive or bizarre. And we can’t help but to wonder what the high bidder wanted to do with the blood. Was he planning to re-purpose it?

So that got us thinking. This could become a trend! What’s the next way some lunatic will try to re-purpose a cherished conservative relic in the name of capitalism? Place YOUR bets here!

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And now, check out this week’s featured video from the GOP TIME MACHINE: