Lester & Charlie Present

Posts Tagged ‘Brainwashing’

, , , , , , , , , ,

I Am… I Said

In Poll on May 3, 2013 at 10:08 am

Clint Eastwood Chair

This Week’s Poll!

Republicans give themselves more reasons to exercise their God-given spin control muscles than Democrats do.

Sure, Dems like Anthony Weiner have to tuck their Twitter accounts back in their pants now and then, and some sucker with industrial strength pliers has to shadow Joe Biden and dislodge that foot from his mouth every few days. But only the GOP has to own up to endless, egregious affronts on consensus reality — like Jan Brewer’s headless bodies in the desert, Bobby Jindal’s “Bible Math” and any noise that comes out of Michele Bachmann’s mouth when she opens it.

The Republicans have exercised so many spin control muscles that those muscles have started to act involuntarily and instantaneously.  Like the heart at the core of any wild animal, the GOP has developed an instant if not repetitive spin for everything. Got no experience? You’re the Washington outsider we need! Can’t locate Iraq on a map? Well then, you’re just like a regular American!

Sometimes, conservatives are so proud of how they’ve spun their embarrassments that they refuse let them go.  One of those embarrassments made two comebacks this year. We’re talking Clint Eastwood’s Empty Chair!

You know, that chair. The one Clint bizarrely dragged onstage at the 2012 GOP convention and had a long, painfully awkward one-way conversation with. Even Republicans were against this senile display before they were for it.

Inevitably, the chair’s first comeback was in January when it found a home in the office of RNC Chairman Reince Priebus. Talk about “owning” the party’s missteps! And this week, everybody’s favorite turtle impersonator, filibuster enthusiast and all around funnyman, Mitch McConnell, gave the spun-out meme a new spin.

Now, remember: this was the chair that made us imagine Obama telling Romney to go f**k himself. The one that inspired a guy in Texas to lynch his living room chair in effigy – probably while humming “Strange Fruit.” Even nutty Republican Governor Scott Walker described it at the time as “that one moment” at the convention that he truly “cringed about.” (Just one?)

So it was pretty bold of Mitch – in his public response to Obama’s comical jab at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner that ended with, “Really? Why don’t you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?” – to pose next to an empty chair reserved for Obama in a Twitter photo.

This got our brains a-whirl. If the Obama chair can make two comebacks, what’s next in the GOP garbage heap for them to recycle and rebrand?

What do you think? What’s the next political disaster they’ll turn into a triumph?

Want to find out what people wrote in? Subscribe to the Lester & Charlie Newsletter!

NEW Video From Lester & Charlie’s “Do It At Home, America!” Series: Make Your Penny Candy!

Have a private comment that you wouldn’t mind seeing broadcast to an international audience in the next Lester & Charlie Newsletter? Leave it here!

, , , ,

Would You Have Done Any Better?

In Poll on April 24, 2013 at 3:06 pm

Quick Programming Note:
Find out how you can be part of Lester & Charlie’s new book project!
Click here: Please Stand By

Now, This Week’s Poll!

Former President Bush

So you think being president of the United States is easy? All those pesky press conferences and state dinners? Correctly pronouncing Kim Jong Il and those big words in “My Pet Goat”?

Well, at the brand-new George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum in Texas, everybody’s favorite former president George W. Bush wants you to know he tried really, really hard. And he seems to be asking, would you, Average American, have done any better?

Here’s your chance to find out! The brick-and-limestone museum offers visitors an interactive opportunity to play the role of the Decider, using touch screens (made in China?) to choose: Invade Iraq or no? Let the banks fail or bail ‘em out? Deploy federal troops to Katrina-ravaged New Orleans or just airlift in a few teacups and let ‘em fix things locally?

“It’s unfair for us to assume that an exhibit depicting a president’s administration will be objective when the president is alive,” said Mark K. Updegrove, the director of the LBJ Library, also in Texas. True — but we can’t help feeling like this whole museum is, well, more than a little defensive on Bush’s part.

As the New York Times points out, the 14,000 square feet museum takes pains to juxtapose the presidency Bush wanted to have (tax cuts, education reform, faith-based social services) with the dumb-luck presidency he ended up having (9/11, Katrina, financial meltdown). The exhibits tango around things like, say, the ill-conceived invasion of Iraq, offering guests the vague caveat that, while no W.M.D. were found, “Post-invasion inspections confirmed that Saddam Hussein had the capacity to resume production of W.M.D.”

Condi Rice shows up, hopefully on skates, to defend waterboarding and other interrogation techniques with a claim that, after the World Trade Center attacks, “every day after was Sept. 12.” See how hard it is to be president?

The whole exercise seems to embrace the idiotic idea that, in America, not only can anyone grow up to be president, but, really, just about anyone is qualified. The sneering “So you think you coulda done better?” tone suggests that the president of the richest and most powerful country in the world doesn’t particularly need better deciding skills than anyone else the voters might want to have a beer with. But we think it’s irrelevant that some of the choices a president faces would stymie an average person. The president isn’t supposed to be average.

“The challenge when you’re a former president,” said Bush in a recent interview in Parade Magazine, “is how do you use your God-given talents?” Of all the challenges Bush has faced in his lifetime, really, this one should be a no-brainer.

BUT, if he wants his library to be interactive, let’s all participate. If, according to Bush, any old dope can make decisions just as good as anyone else, let’s jump in and help him design his library! Tell us: What would YOU like to see in the new George W. Bush Library?

Want to find out what people wrote in? Subscribe to the Lester & Charlie Newsletter!

NEW Video From Lester & Charlie’s “Do It At Home, America!” Series: Make Your Choking Poster!

Have a private comment that you wouldn’t mind seeing broadcast to an international audience in the next Lester & Charlie Newsletter? Leave it here!

, , , , , , ,

Where are We Going? And Why am I in This Handbasket?

In Poll on April 19, 2013 at 1:28 pm

Quick Programming Note:
Find out how you can be part of Lester & Charlie’s new book project!
Click here: Please Stand By

Pledge Drive

Now, This Week’s Poll!

i want to beleive

It was heartening to see so many in the media rush to point out that, in the immediate aftermath of the horrific explosions at the Boston Marathon last Monday, so many people — runners, cops, spectators — rushed toward the chaos to help the injured, despite knowing that anything could happen next.

We’re gripping tightly to the thought that so many people didn’t hesitate to help, given what so many right-wing lunatics were rushing to do instead. It took only minutes for the first conservative conspiracy theories to start pinballing around the Internet. Too many conservatives are twisted enough to take any tragedy — from Boston to Newtown to Aurora — and turn it into an opportunity to prance.

Was there a Facebook page set up to memorialize the victims two days before the explosions went off? Is Obama behind this? Family Guy? Unbelievably, the first question Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick received at the news conference after the attack was “Was this another false flag staged attack to take our civil liberties?” (Note the clever use of the word “another” in that question, presupposing that there have been others.) The governor was quick to respond with a terse “No.” We agree with Rex Huppke, writing in the Chicago Tribune, who gave the governor credit for restraint for not answering, “No, you idiot.” We can think of a few other impolite words Patrick could have said.

And it wasn’t just the conspiracies that were turning our stomachs. A FOX News guest, Erik Rush, helpfully tweeted — before the FBI even had any suspects — that Muslims were “evil” and we should “kill them all.” A Wall Street Journalist tore Obama apart for daring to make a statement instead of parroting John Boehner’s “moment of silence.” (Though we’ll admit it’s helpful whenever Boehner decides to shut up.)

Patrick Dollard, a contributor to Breitbart News, wasted no time tweeting his claim that “GEORGE BUSH KEPT US SAFE FOR 8 YEARS.” Who is he blaming that whole “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in the US” memo fiasco on? Jimmy Carter?

We suppose, given what happened after Newtown and what happened after Aurora (and countless other tragedies), that we really shouldn’t be surprised. And social media and the 24-hour news cycle are just making things worse.

Or was it always like this, and we just weren’t paying attention? Let’s take a quick trip into the recent and not-so-recent past and try to figure out: What conservative conspiracies have we missed over the years? What do YOU think?

Want to find out what people wrote in? Subscribe to the Lester & Charlie Newsletter!

NEW Video From Lester & Charlie’s “Do It At Home, America!” Series: Make Your Choking Poster!

Have a private comment that you wouldn’t mind seeing broadcast to an international audience in the next Lester & Charlie Newsletter? Leave it here!

, , , , ,

The Week in Politics

In Study Break on April 13, 2013 at 9:12 pm

This week, a delusional dictator who inherited political power from his father threatened to destroy the United States. But we’ve all heard that before.

***

By the way, don’t forget to check how you can help with Lester & Charlie’s first book!

You can read more about it HERE.

, , , , , , , ,

Home Fooled

In Poll on April 13, 2013 at 1:09 pm

Quick Programming Note:
Find out how you can be part of Lester & Charlie’s new book project!
Click here: Please Stand By

Pledge Drive

Now, This Week’s Poll!

Mark 4-13

God bless Ron Paul. Really. He’s terribly worried about your kids. Worried that they’ll complete their education and still not understand the biblical principle of self-government. Or know how to defend the free market. Start a home business. Operate their YouTube channel.

Those are just a few of the bullets in Paul’s recently launched curriculum and strategy for putting just about every child into home schooling.

Now, we have nothing against home schooling. Public school isn’t for everyone. But, in the wrong hands, home schooling can produce bizarre results, as we discussed before regarding a confused home-schooled girl who was terrified that legalized gay marriage would lead to ducks taking over the world.

Gotta give him credit though: Paul also wants kids to know how to “write effectively,” “understand mathematics” and “understand basic science.” Those are admirable goals! Still, it’s hard to ignore that Ron Paul himself once called global warming “the greatest hoax in hundreds of years.” Maybe understanding basic science doesn’t involve listening to actual scientists.

So where does Paul land on the scale? He dismisses school textbooks as being “dumbed down by committee.” And many are, especially those textbooks that are written in Texas and teach things like bible-based math, how the Loch Ness Monster disproves evolution and tell kids how and why to avoid dirty, smelly hippies.

Paul wants home-schoolers to step away from textbooks and focus on “primary sources” – presumably things like the U.S. Constitution and the Declaration of Independence. Not a bad idea in general, but take the Constitution: you can’t just toss a copy at a fifth grader and expect him to understand it – not without the context of a couple centuries of interpretation by the courts. Without the context, it means anything the kid wants it to – leading to things like, well, Rand Paul.

Will the Paul curriculum catch on? Will home-schoolers be lugging the Rosetta Stone into their living rooms to share with their little brothers and sisters at Home Show & Tell?

There’s only one thing we know for sure: Paul’s fellow conservatives are not likely to be outdone! If the “Paul Curriculum” takes off, other conservatives are bound to jump on the bandwagon. And that’s what has us excited. How will they carve out a space in the homeschooling craze? The mind reels!

So tell us: What text are YOU excited to see in a conservative home-school environment?

Want to find out what people wrote in? Subscribe to the Lester & Charlie Newsletter!

From Lester & Charlie’s “GOP Time Machine” Series: Racial Profiling!

Have a private comment that you wouldn’t mind seeing broadcast to an international audience in the next Lester & Charlie Newsletter? Leave it here!

, , , , , , , , ,

Attack of the Cookie Monsters!

In Poll on March 17, 2013 at 12:29 pm

Quick Programming Note:
Find out how you can be part of Lester & Charlie’s new book project!
Click here: Please Stand By

Pledge Drive

Now, This Week’s Poll!

Girl Scout

We’ve been wondering: Is there anyone out there that the GOP doesn’t hate?

Don’t get us wrong. You don’t have to have a conservative black-and-white view of the world to get a thrill out of cheering heroes and hissing villains. We all enjoy a character we can love to despise! But, with a whopping 36% of Republicans now saying that it’s the people in their own party who are the bad guys, it’s getting awfully hard for conservatives to know who to hiss at.

So they’re getting desperate, even looking back in history. Why else would they be trotting out hippies — yes, hippies! — as the latest examples of evil incarnate? That’s what they’re doing in Bobby Jindal’s Louisiana, where a voucher school is now using an 8th grade “history” book titled “America: Land I Love” to teach kids that “hippies” are really dirty, ragged Satanists! (Check out the link; we’re not exaggerating.)

Just when it started to look like the GOP had run out of contemporary suspects to demonize (union workers, welfare queens, people who don’t like their kids getting shot), along comes Linda Harvey, founder of the Ohio-based Christian Organization Mission:America, to remind us: Everything can be blamed on the gays!

Last Tuesday, Harvey denounced the venerable Girls Scouts of America for promoting lesbianism by featuring homosexuals in their materials, using “radical feminists” as role models, and just overall man-hating! “Unless you have an attitude of suspicion toward males in general,” Harvey accused the GSA of teaching girls, “unless you bring home a paycheck and unless you have a worldview based on self-indulgence with never a notion of sacrifice, you as a woman are really diminished in worth.” Listen up, girls. Linda Harvey wants you to know your place.

Though the GSA angle may be new, Harvey has been obsessed with homosexuality for some time. She previously called gay rights advocates “fascists” and “masters of demonic manipulation,” called the Obama administration’s efforts to promote equal rights a “humanitarian disgrace” and even called the It Gets Better video series — the series that reaches out to young gay kids to tell them that life probably won’t suck forever — wrong, evil and dark. She’s so obsessed with homosexuality that the Southern Poverty Law Center went as far as to designate Mission:America as an active hate group a year ago. But Harvey’s not likely to let it go. We gotta wonder what happened to her as a kid to make her hate homosexuals this much. Did she once have a crush on Rock Hudson?

Well, we decided to have a little fun at Linda Harvey’s expense. Since she’s bound to see a radical gay conspiracy behind almost anything, we’re wondering what will make her explode next. What do YOU think? Tell us!

Want to find out what people wrote in? Subscribe to the Lester & Charlie Newsletter!

From Lester & Charlie’s “GOP Time Machine” Series: Truth in Advertising!

Have a private comment that you wouldn’t mind seeing broadcast to an international audience in the next Lester & Charlie Newsletter? Leave it here!

, , , , , , , ,

Evolution for the Creation Museum

In Poll on March 7, 2013 at 4:26 pm

Woman on Dinosaur

This Week’s Poll!

(Quick Programming Note: To find out how you can be part of Lester & Charlie’s new book project, click here: Please Stand By)

America has a tradition of some pretty wacky roadside attractions. Like the Sod Museum in Nebraska, the Twine Ball Museum in Minnesota and Washington D.C.’s very own House Science Committee.

Few of these oddities can hold a candle to Kentucky’s famous Creation Museum. The Creation Museum, if you’re some kind of Neanderthal unfamiliar with it, is the go-to place for any young-Earth scientist in the mood to, say, weep at tear-jerking videos of the Scopes Monkey Trial. Or ogle dioramas showing humans and dinosaurs peacefully co-existing. Or hobnob with like-minded museum employees, all of whom have signed a “statement of faith” agreeing that “no apparent, perceived or claimed evidence in any field, including history and chronology, can be valid if it contradicts the Scriptural record.”

Founder Ken Ham’s Creation Museum has been called “the Creationist Disneyland.” The UK’s Guardian called it “one of the weirdest museums in the world.” (That’s an impressive distinction, seeing as it’s not only competing with said Twine Ball Museum but also with that museum in Japan that’s dedicated solely to instant ramen noodles.)

Sounds to us like the Creation Museum is the perfect mecca for both Bible thumpers and potheads! That’s why we were shocked to learn that this major, multimillion-dollar facility has suddenly found itself taking a crash course in survival of the fittest.

In other words, attendance at the Creation Museum was down 10% in 2012, continuing a four-year downward spiral and setting a new low. Making matters worse, dwindling revenue is jeopardizing completion of Ham’s next big project, a theme park centered around a full-size replica of Noah’s Ark!

Why is the museum’s attendance tanking? Are the zealots getting all the creationism jabberwocky they need from Michele Bachmann, Marco Rubio and Bobby Jindal for free?

We’re betting that there are still plenty of certifiable lunatics willing to shell out $30 for a stroll through the Dinosaur Den, ride a camel through the Garden of Eden and sneak into the planetarium to make sure that Earth is still in the center.

So let’s put our heads together and come up with a few ideas that might get them some welcome attention. If we’re lucky, there’ll be enough cash left over to finish building Ham’s Ark Encounter! And we can all say we did our part building a better, weirder America.

Tell us: What do YOU think are some awesome ideas to sell more tickets to Kentucky’s Creation Museum?

Want to find out what people wrote in? Subscribe to the Lester & Charlie Newsletter!

From Lester & Charlie’s “GOP Time Machine” Series: Energy Conservation! (With Ronnie and Nancy Reagan)

Have a private comment that you wouldn’t mind seeing broadcast to an international audience in the next Lester & Charlie Newsletter? Leave it here!

, , ,

This Week’s Album-of-the-Month Club Selections!

In Book Club on February 26, 2013 at 11:31 am

Let Me Touch Him
The Ministers Quartet

Fascist Threat and Commie Lies
Janet Greene

, , , ,

The Week in Politics

In Study Break on February 24, 2013 at 11:06 am

According to a recent survey, 12% of Americans have been prescribed the wrong medication. That might explain a few things.

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Where Would Jesus Shop?

In Poll on January 10, 2013 at 1:05 pm

jesus grocery shopping

This Week’s Poll!

Last week, we assured you that your government is anxiously readying to quell an imminent Tea Party armed insurrection. We wondered if — despite threats from loonies like failed Senate candidate Sharron Angle – gearing up for battle with the musket brigade isn’t just a little bit paranoid.

Perhaps not. As it turns out, our humble HuffPost poll was picked up by something called the Tea Party Command Center, where it was met by paranoid patriots who informed us that, in the event of violent uprising, armed rebels will “NEVER go after Americans, only progressives!” Oh, and Muslims. And that guns won’t be necessary, because “baseball bats are much more painful and pro-long the dying.”

And they learned us that Obama (who wasn’t born, he was “hatched”) is just like Adolf Hitler because — just like Obama! — he was “able to get just about anything he wanted.” (Wow. Really? Obama gets anything he wants? Then how come there’s still such a thing as the filibuster and Hillary Clinton has been allowed to retire?)

Truth be told, we’re not even all that sure what the Tea Party faithful was saying over at their Command Center. It’s hard to read ALL CAPS, and even harder when you’re deciphering sentences like “THSOE OF YOU THAT HAVE SUCH AS HE IS AN EVIL TYRANT THAT WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET HIS NAME IN THE HISTORY BOOKS THE WAY HE WANTS TO BE REMEMBERED.” Well, now that that’s clear. No wonder the Army is bracing for an attack.

Of course, such is the Internet. There’s a place for everybody! Which brings us to our favorite new site of Christian nationalist insanity: America’s Praytriot Pages, a place where Christian shoppers can, for the low cost of $7.77, access to a list of businesses that promise to “keep Kingdom dollars in the Kingdom!”

Yes, this is a thing. There seems to be a movement to keep Christian dollars in Christian pockets while doing the Christian deed of putting everyone else out of business.

Companies that list with Praytriot Pages promise they will never engage in commerce that is “unbiblical, sinful, or illegal.” That’s a tall order. Really! Neither illegal nor unbiblical? So much for Leviticus and any thrifty online shopper looking for the cheapest stone to kill his swearing neighbor.

The main question behind the site is, of course, “Where would Jesus shop?” And don’t just assume he’s at the hardware store buying a nail puller. Because, see, the Bible is really dedicated to what to do with your disposable income. Kind of gives new meaning to a Sunday Circular!

But, since we don’t want to prejudice you, why not check out one of the site’s testimonials? Like the one from Connie, a woman who hopes to someday get her Associates degree and end up working for “a Christian based organization.” (Hey Connie, some advice: skip the applications and become a nun.)

We weren’t quite prepared to fork over our blood money to see what kinds of businesses are listed behind that Christian paywall. Not when our imaginations are free! So we’re wondering: What do YOU think? What business would YOU expect to see on those holy Praytriot Pages?

Want to find out what people wrote in? Subscribe to the Lester & Charlie Newsletter!

Another money saving tip from Lester & Charlie: Make Your Own Google!

Have a private comment that you wouldn’t mind seeing broadcast to an international audience in the next Lester & Charlie Newsletter? Leave it here!